Poker? I don't even know 'er.

It all started with the world poker tour, about 5 years ago. I got in the habit of watching poker late at night on TV, and slowly but surely went from fan to casual player to addict. Now, like any addict I claimed it did not have a negative effect on my life, but it got to the point where I would be spending all my free time online at PokerStars. At first, this was no big deal to me since I was winning money. And if you just judge it on the bottom line, I am definitely ahead in the long run (I know everyone says that, but it really is true); in fact, the extra money I earned helped pay for my car.

But then, after having the biggest upswing of my life, I had the biggest downswing of my life. It got to the point where I just could not win. That was when I finally realized that I wasn't having any fun, and essentially quit playing poker competetively. Not only that, I basically became less and less interested in the game, and stopped watching it on TV. In addition, I stopped checking out the poker forums, which incidentally freed up a lot of time (though that time just got transferred into checking out the various atheist/science blogs). I finally realized that the amount of time I was putting into poker was just not worth it.

Though I was able to quit playing poker competitively, I still have been going to my regular Sunday night game. This game started several years ago, and it has gotten to the point where I am the only one left of the original players. Most of my current group of friends plays in this game, and I do enjoy it a lot. That said, I am not exactly flushed with cash. So when I go on losing streaks, streaks which will happen more often since I am essentially playing for fun and have stopped actively trying to get better, I can lose a non-trivial amount of money.

Now, I could play very conservatively, and probably not lose more than 20 bucks a week. But that just isn't me. I have a dark side to my personality, one that loves to gamble. It has come out in my half dozen trips to Las Vegas, and it also comes out in our unlimited rebuy tournaments. The hand that did me in tonight was in a cash game, where I just decided I had to bluff Mark out of the hand. Of course he called, with three sevens no less, and that was the end of my night. That hand is symbolic of my entire gambling philosophy; I start out playing it safe, but get more and more reckless until all of my money is gone.

Don't get the wrong idea. I am not in danger of going homeless anytime soon, and I have limited my gambling to once a week at this game. But I can see the warning signs that tell me that this could easily get out of hand, and sometimes, after losing, it scares me just a little bit.